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Hello Humans. Welcome to edition 4 of What your favorite Disney Dude says about you. My resources are plentiful, and have I got some dudes for you.

Hades

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I’ve certainly got something going for me in the hair department

If you like Hades, your favorite female villain is probably Yzma. You’ve got a thing for men of their word, even if it means bad stuff is going to go down. You like blue hair and flames and go to a lot of raves. Class, sass, and weird chins: Hades does it for you. Your favorite Shakespeare play is Macbeth. (Trust me on this one).

Kuzco

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You like making an entrance. You would date David Spade. You rock a lot of weird sandals. You like flashy things like summer homes and pools and you don’t care what it takes or who you hurt to get it. You like a project. You’re fine with trying to get a flashy self-centered guy to notice you. Just try to avoid dating f-boys in the future k?

Bernard

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OG precious cinnaonmon roll

You know what, I am 0% worried about you. You like adorable creampuffs who are devoted to you in the cutest way possible. Your ideal partner is someone kind-hearted and is willing to face their fears if it means getting to be by your side. Your favorite actor is Sean Astin.

Kocoum

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Now remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires.

You go to a lot of music festivals and are still rocking the feather trend years after it’s ok. You like mega serious guys devoted to cultural integrity. Your man is fit from running around the woods and other hobbies involving nature. He probably has never seen a gym. That’s why everyone marvels at his impressive physique and tribal tattoos. You are really into the half-shaved skrillex  hair look on either gender.

(Something I learned during research for this post: the internet loves Kocoum).

 

Pacha 

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These hills sing

You enjoy John Goodman films and are just looking for a nice dad for your kids (future kids? Current kids? Either one). You appreciate someone who owns hand carved mahogany and provides your with plenty of alpaca wool. You’re into that folksy peasant look.

Kenai 

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Aladdin: 2003 edition

You love bears, and camping. Or maybe you like glamping, I don’t know you do you. You probably also just really like Joaquin Phoenix. You appreciate sibling revelry and someone who is as devoted to their family and their adopted family as they are to you. Your dream vacation is an Alaskan cruise. You pride yourself on how woke you are but maybe you might have to learn you’re not as woke as you think.

Captain Hook

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Actual Codfish

You are fabulous and enjoy hats, shaving, and yelling at people named Smee. You have a vendetta against a magical 12 year old. You know what I can’t get behind this unless you’re talking about the new and improved Hook on Disney Soap Opera: Once Upon a Time.

You’re into tortured souls, Irishmen, accents, perma-stubble, pirates, gratuitous v-necks, and GUY-LINER. (Read in Stefon from SNL’s voice). I don’t have much else to say. This Hook slays me.

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Thank you Tumblr. I will see myself out now.

Tagline: I watched most of these shows because Maddy told me to. Who is Maddy you ask? One of the best humans. Check out her youtube channel here.

Summer is time when teachers like me catch up on curriculum for the next school year, relax, read, and also binge-watch the things we didn’t have time for when we got up at 5:30 and passed out by 9:30 for nine months.

  1. Wynonna Earp

This is the show for you if you like the following things: bad-ass ladies, sometimes cheesy effects, clever dialogue, strong black men, old-school cowboys with moustaches, curses, red-head lady cops, LGBT representation, and no killing off of minorities for the sake of it. Basically, if you enjoy Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you will like this show. Fun fact: it is loosely based on a comic book of the same name. It aired on SYFY but I just want you to somehow find a way to watch it so it gets renewed for a second season.

Eugh. That comic is well, something. She’s much more realistic and #relatable on the show.

 

2. Couple-ish

Canada is our lovely and kind neighbor to the north and has always produced quality programming in my opinion. (I grew up watching TVO kids, Pingu, Fred Penner, and the Red Green Show). I’m also 1/4 Canadian so I guess that’s what we would call biased. But that quality programming has continued today on the internet. This show was written and created by Kaitlyn Alexander, a non-binary youtuber also known for acting in the web-series Carmilla. With compelling characters and dynamic acting, this show is a must.

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Not even from this show, but these two are #FriendshipGoals 

3. Carmilla

I technically started watching this at the end of the school year. Sometimes you need a treat after getting all your school-related work done.

Based on a Gothic novella by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, this is a Canadian Web-series featuring the plucky nerd protagonist Laura and her ensemble cast of characters. It involves chases, escapes, vampires, magic, true love, miracles. All the good stuff.

 

4. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

My brother Cullen is also responsible for getting me to watch this and making it my new 10/10 would recommend. (Ps. he also has a youtube channel). This show has everything: a catchy theme song, a female protagonist, musical numbers out of nowhere, that guy who plays Hans from Frozen being snarky. (Santino Fontana is a national treasure and we should all cherish him).

The premise of this show is that Rebecca Bunch moves from New York to West Covina California to be near her ex-boyfriend from summer camp in high school. Hilarity ensues. For real though this is a fun show that doesn’t hate its characters. It handles everyone’s emotions and desires in a very valid and real way. Also it doesn’t shy away from letting its good characters make bad choices and suffer the consequences and letting its “bad” characters be shown to be humans too. It also just has really killer songs, like “Settle for Me.”

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It’s time for a new installment here: Pixar Chick Fridays! (Which became Saturday this week because my wifi is a fickle mistress). We’ve already been psychoanalyzing everyone based on male Disney characters, it’s time to trot out the ladies. Why Pixar you ask? The Disney princesses thing has been done to death on the internet. Do a lot of Pixar films fail the Bechdel test? Yes. Which is unfortunate because many of the ladies in these films are pretty compelling.

Jessie

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A bright young woman with a beautiful yarn full of hair. 

You’re into strong-willed redheads and lets be honest who isn’t? Also you love that cowgirl look and adventurous spirit. You like your women with sad emotionally nuanced backstories. Additionally you love a good wacky sense of humor.

Honestly, Jessie is the Pixar character I most identify with: gangly weirdo.

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When you see your favorite people

Bo Peep

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So porcelain and shiny

You go for woman who knows what she wants and reaches out and grabs it. Don’t let the femme pink floof fool you, this is the kind of woman full of confidence, kindness, and some adorable pets. Annie Potts is your favorite part of Ghostbusters and Pretty in Pink.

Princess Atta

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The men in this film baffle me.

Your favorite TV shows are Veep and Seinfeld. You like a woman with neuroses and sass. This chick put the dork in adorkable before New Girl was a thing. You go for giant blue eyes that judge your behavior when you mess up. And trust me, you will mess up. Most of all you love ladies in positions of power in a matriarchal society.

Celia

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Sushi anyone? 

You like purple and your favorite mythology character is Medusa. You like taking your dates to hard to get into sushi restaurants and love a lady who is impressed by this. You love a good New York accent and a girl who knows what she wants.

Rosie 

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I definitely have some stories about my past lives.

You aren’t afraid of a woman who could kill you if she wanted to. You enjoy vaguely goth ladies with legs for days. You enjoy the films of Bonnie Hunt. All of them, even Cheaper by the Dozen, because she’s a classy lady with a great voice. You appreciate a woman who does not suffer fools.

 

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ElastiGirl/Helen Parr

 

You like snarky redheads who age into gorgeous auburn haired women with a mom cut. You like women who can handle themselves in any situation that comes their way and do it with both attitude and class. You enjoy Mama Bear types, because do not cross this one when it comes to the people she cares about. Helen is #goals. Always marry Elastigirl.

Violet

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Are we having Tony-Loaf?

You go for the seemingly shy wallflower types who are actually full of depth and sarcasm. You own a lot of Sarah Vowell books. Your favorite actress is Aubrey Plaza. You also enjoy women who have a hidden weirdo side. You love Olivia Olson and Marceline the Vampire Queen.

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Generic Teen interests 2004 edition.

 

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And we are back Humans! By popular demand! I consulted my sources and have more animated dudes for you to analyze your life choices by. And for those of you that are more interested in those of the female persuasion, I may be cooking up something for you so stay tuned.

Kristoff

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Need some ice towed or a fun wedding date? I’m your guy. 

If you like Kristoff you fall into one of three categories: people who follow lumbersexual accounts on Instagram, people who follow the Jonathan Groff’s Bike Helmet account on Instagram, or people who follow both of these Instagram accounts. You like rosy cheeks. You’re into the boy next door mountain man type you can bring to dinner at your parents’ house. You enjoy sarcasm, loyalty, and musical theater. You like a man who’s just as loyal to his pets/buddies as he is to you. You may have watched the Groffsauce and Lin-Manuel Miranda friendship video on youtube more times than should be allowed.

 

Hans 

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My sideburns are very deceiving

You fall for false advertising all the time. You still have The Perfect Pancake, Hairdini, and Turbie Towel. You’re also just a sucker for a well coiffed man with deceivingly sincere eyebrows and ginger freckles. Come on Disney why is the ginger evil? You probably just really also like musical theater and watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend so you can see Santino Fontana being not-evil. (Seriously if you haven’t yet, watch that show. It’s on Netflix, you have no choice).

Gaston 

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Which way is the gym brah? Cross-fit? 

You date bro-dudes who like to get swole at the gym, do cross-fit, drink brotein shakes, and are super misogynist to you. Your house is covered in empty beer tankards and those stupid bro-tanks with the sides cut open. (Also probably some super deep v-neck tees). You actually enjoy the patriarchy for some reason. You probably look like one of the bimbettes who faint in his presence in the movie. Honey, you need help.

Lumiere

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Doing the eyebrow raise like I invented it. 

You like Don Juan types and bisexual candlesticks who turn back into a stereotypical Frenchman by the end of the movie I guess. You’re a foodie and enjoy dinner theater. You spent a summer abroad in Paris and Lumiere reminds you of the men there apparently. Your go-to Halloween costume is French maid. But in the most culturally sensitive way possible because you did study abroad there. You only serve Bordeaux wine at your parties and are an expert wino.

Hercules 

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Actual Precious Cinnamon Roll

You were a Classical Studies/Mythology major in college. You’re super into Greek and other types of mythology and you love this movie despite its inaccuracies. You appreciate a man who doesn’t skip leg day but also is utterly devoted to you. Herc is a redhead with nice Greek youth curls and that killer smile that gets you every time. Just throwing this out there but you probably also enjoy the acting style of Andrew Rannells.

Jake (From Rescuers Down Under)

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Heart = melted 

You are into the rugged, outdoorsy, hiking, and crocodile wrestling type. Growing up, you watched a lot of shows like Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures, Kratt’s Creatures and Steve Erwin: Crocodile Hunter. You’re a sucker for an accent and like the Hemsworths and Hugh Jackman. Your dream job is to work at a zoo. You and your ideal mate both rock those khaki shorts like nobody’s business.

Fix It Felix Jr.

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I knock Maxwell’s Silver Hammer out of the park. 

You love a good handyman and watch a lot of HGTV, Property Brothers in particular. You’re looking for someone good-natured, helpful, and willing to help you build your dream home in Napa Valley. You also just really enjoy 30 Rock, Martin Freeman, and fun-sized guys. You probably own a pair of Timberlands.

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Well internet. We did it. We found a new scapegoat in a post-hipster man-bun world.

Humans. Hello. We need to stop categorizing each other and tearing whole generations down. People have as little control over what year they were born in as they do their race or sexual orientation. If I have to read or see one more millennial bashing article (especially a self-hate one written by other millennials) I’m going to eat my snapback hat on artisanal bread with avocado.

Are millennials different than previous generations? Sure. Others have delved into that more eloquently and deeply than I.

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Or use Google 

But every generation is different. Each new group of people is unique and should be. If we weren’t continuing to grow and change as humans, that would be a problem. And some of the greatest generations have been enterprising advocates for change. Like the Revolutionary generation, or the WWII generation.

Are some of us maybe spoiled? Yes. Stereotypes exist for a reason after all. I will admit to being addicted to twitter, coffee, and my daily rants about the patriarchy like any good 20-something woman. But I, like others of my generation are more than those things. We are living, breathing humans in this world struggling to make it in this weird changing economic, political and planetary climate.

For every Kardashian and reality TV star wackadoo, I raise you a Taylor Swift, a Hannah Hart, a Tyler Oakley, an Anna Kendrick. These are creative people creating new ways to be hardworking and build your own self-made brand. We don’t live in a world anymore where you can only be successful working at the same company or firm for 50 years as an engineer or a lawyer. (No offense to those very valid career options). But I dub the millennial generation as the rise of the creator, the artist. With so many new places to share and create in this connected world, you can achieve your dreams and share your talents with the world. And even collaborate!

Our role models who are helping pave the way, those at the cusp between Gen X and Gen Y, the Vlogbrothers and Lin-Manuel Mirandas (heck even the Tina Feys who are solid Gen X-ers) of the world, prove that you can build a brand for yourself through perseverance, hard work, and a little bit of the American Dream.

So Humans. Let’s agree to stop tearing each other down when we should be working together inter-generationally to keep making this planet an even better place to live.

“For slavery fled, oh glorious dead, when you fell in the Foggy Dew.”

Being of Irish heritage is a lot like Irish music; it makes you feel simultaneously triumphantly happy and devastatingly sad at the same time. It’s the feeling you have when you are flying through the air during that split second of the Slip Jig where you hold yourself in the air for but a moment and your heart has never felt more free.

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The feeling you have when you listen to “Into the Mystic,” by Van Morrison in particular The Swell Season’s live cover version.

It’s because you have to carry lotion with you everywhere year round because your skin was meant to be somewhere it rains all the time, not in the dry midwestern climate. It’s also how you carry sunscreen everywhere in the summertime and try to explain how you got “slightly tan” but all your friends see are more freckles on a pale backdrop. And how you look so pale and ghostlike in the winter that you can see your veins and you startle your cousin when you accidentally end up in the background of her snapchat photo. It’s how the only thing marking you as a person and not a ghost is your dark curly hair.

It’s the smile of your soul when you hear a bit of witty humor or wordplay or a beautifully worded phrase whether spoken or written because at heart all Irish are poets.

It’s in the lovely genes you inherited that make you glad you look so young yet irked when you get carded every time you buy whiskey.

It’s the pang in your heart when you visited Kilmainham Gaol and heard Sinead O’Connor’s version of “The Foggy Dew” over and over in your head and shed a tear for those jailed or killed during the Easter Rising. It’s that same pang which rises and boils up to a fiery rage and you hear “Zombie” by the Cranberries in your head when you see a t-shirt that reads “Ireland 1916.” Or someone casually mentions Orange vs. Green or that Oliver Cromwell was an interesting man and all you see before your eyes are mists of blood and genocide and starving children and your forebears suffering. When you see how much they sacrificed to get here and so you could have the privileges you have.

And you feel for your people every time someone uses a stereotype or you see a leprechaun because they aren’t even that important in Irish mythology. Why don’t more people know about CuChulain and why don’t we read The Tain instead of Beowulf, I love Beowulf but The Tain is still better and it explains my soft spot for cows. And what’s up with all these four leaf clovers masquerading as shamrocks which actually have only three leaves because how else would St. Patrick use one to illustrate the trinity? It’s how your Irish literature professor told you you are not allowed to answer anymore questions because you know too much about the Vikings.

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CuChulain

It’s the empathy you feel for the other cultures that come to America and get stereotyped or slandered or encouraged to forget their culture and melt into the melting pot.

It’s that feeling of warmth and comfort you feel the first time you learn to make soda bread with your mother. It’s the smell of the rick dark coffee when you finally get to participate in after dinner coffee and conversation with the adults at family gatherings. It’s the coziness of your Aran knit sweater on a cold night. And it’s when the last words your Grandmother speaks to you are praising what a great cook you have become.

It’s when you are crying while listening to “The Long Journey Home” on the plane home from Ireland partly because you have a sinus infection, but mostly because your heart belongs there and you don’t think you will ever experience anything as painfully beautiful and home-feeling as that country again.

Well, at least that’s what being Irish means to me.

Hold on to your culture. Do not let anyone take it from you, because if you lose it, what do you have left?

Today I bring to you, 11 fun facts of my week. Some of them might not be fun but they are all facts.

  1. Everyone should listen to Hamilton. Just do it. You’ll thank me later.

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2. It’s practically March so that means it’s time for what my dad refers to as Irish Ramadan. (Cultural appropriation can work sometimes). That’s the best way to describe the celebratory time leading up to St. Patrick’s day on the 17th. Growing up of Irish-American heritage this was like a second holiday season where I was often dancing at various events and parties. Albeit, it’s also during Lent, so it’s not like there was a ton of candy or anything. Just family, friends and fun times. Thus, I find myself taking a break from listening to Hamilton non-stop to listen to The Chieftains, Van Morrison, The Corrs, The Cranberries, Glen Hansard, The Dropkick Murphys, and many others. (We Irish are a prolific and musical folk). I’m particularly into this collab with the Chieftains and Ziggy Marley “Redemption Song.” 

The Corr’s version of Buachaill on Eirne is always a favorite as well. This video I linked translates the Gaelic into English and Spanish. It’s basically about this guy bragging about how awesome it is, yet in Irish it sounds so beautiful. Even the English translation of the last line is very poetic.

And your kiss is no more to me now than a shoe worn for a year

Burn.

3. Along with this time of year, Wack-Arnold’s (McDonald’s for the uninitiated), trots out their Shamrock shakes. Being lactose-intolerant, (which is odd for an Irish person), I cannot partake in the joy of a shake I once thought was made from actual Shamrocks. But Pinterest to the rescue! I found some really great dairy free and vegan Shamrock shake recipes I am definitely going to be trying out this month. Linkity link.

4. In the realm of more recommendations from me, the Liz Lemon-esque unrepentant fangirl, everyone should watch Agent Carter on ABC. The second season just ended and there are rumblings that it won’t get renewed which is awful. (Pro-tip, read this next part in Stefon from SNL’s voice). It has everything: late 1940’s fashion, Marvel, feminism, 2 British people, Chad Michael Murray, and a Joss Whedon-esque musical number.

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I am not joking. Look how much fun they are having.

5. Tomorrow is Leap Day. Can we remember that the last Leap Day, four years ago 30 Rock was still on the TV and they aired their Leap Day Williams episode, which was weird, wonderful and I loved it. 30 Rock you are missed but never forgotten.

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Happy Leap Day!

6. This week while eating Mild curry thai food I proclaimed that I had the highest spice tolerance in my family. Coming from an Irish family, this is not saying much and is not really a boast.

7. Lentil loaf is good I learned. Delicious even. Perfect for having gone vegetarian for Lent and being on a Student teacher’s budget.

8. Today my brother was trying to think of what Secret Santa is called. Instead he said “Blind Santa Claus.” I honestly think Blind Santa Claus is what I am going to call it from now on.

9. I have been so overstressed with work that I definitely needed the two snow days we had this week. When you get overstressed, you say weird things to the kids like: “Holden Caulfield is not really a woke bae,” “We all need to focus, like a Ford Focus,” and “Today I dressed like an Urban Outfitters ad.”

10. I am in love with this Ham4Ham video featuring all the Kings George from Hamilton lip-synching to the Schuyler Sisters song. Ham4Ham is when people wait to win tickets for the show in a lottery and sometimes the actors come out and do a little performance for them. You may recognize Andrew Rannels who is Elijah from Girls, and Jonathan Groff who plays Christoff in Frozen.

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11. This video of Nanci Griffith singing the Irish tune, “Red is the Rose,” with the Chieftains is gold. The “Thank you Chieftains” at the end has become a catch phrase among my siblings and I. Not sure why, just one of those weird phrases you pick up like “the scare-floor will be painted.”