Hello Humans. Welcome to edition 4 of What your favorite Disney Dude says about you. My resources are plentiful, and have I got some dudes for you.
If you like Hades, your favorite female villain is probably Yzma. You’ve got a thing for men of their word, even if it means bad stuff is going to go down. You like blue hair and flames and go to a lot of raves. Class, sass, and weird chins: Hades does it for you. Your favorite Shakespeare play is Macbeth. (Trust me on this one).
You like making an entrance. You would date David Spade. You rock a lot of weird sandals. You like flashy things like summer homes and pools and you don’t care what it takes or who you hurt to get it. You like a project. You’re fine with trying to get a flashy self-centered guy to notice you. Just try to avoid dating f-boys in the future k?
You know what, I am 0% worried about you. You like adorable creampuffs who are devoted to you in the cutest way possible. Your ideal partner is someone kind-hearted and is willing to face their fears if it means getting to be by your side. Your favorite actor is Sean Astin.
You go to a lot of music festivals and are still rocking the feather trend years after it’s ok. You like mega serious guys devoted to cultural integrity. Your man is fit from running around the woods and other hobbies involving nature. He probably has never seen a gym. That’s why everyone marvels at his impressive physique and tribal tattoos. You are really into the half-shaved skrillex hair look on either gender.
(Something I learned during research for this post: the internet loves Kocoum).
You enjoy John Goodman films and are just looking for a nice dad for your kids (future kids? Current kids? Either one). You appreciate someone who owns hand carved mahogany and provides your with plenty of alpaca wool. You’re into that folksy peasant look.
You love bears, and camping. Or maybe you like glamping, I don’t know you do you. You probably also just really like Joaquin Phoenix. You appreciate sibling revelry and someone who is as devoted to their family and their adopted family as they are to you. Your dream vacation is an Alaskan cruise. You pride yourself on how woke you are but maybe you might have to learn you’re not as woke as you think.
You are fabulous and enjoy hats, shaving, and yelling at people named Smee. You have a vendetta against a magical 12 year old. You know what I can’t get behind this unless you’re talking about the new and improved Hook on Disney Soap Opera: Once Upon a Time.
You’re into tortured souls, Irishmen, accents, perma-stubble, pirates, gratuitous v-necks, and GUY-LINER. (Read in Stefon from SNL’s voice). I don’t have much else to say. This Hook slays me.