There are plenty of Disney Dudes I didn’t cover in my previous post so here we go.
Let me just say, can I be your friend? If he is your favorite then you are possibly the coolest person ever and have excellent taste in men because Kronk is the ideal guy. Clearly you enjoy funny men with a sense of humor and interesting hobbies like playing exotic bird bingo and speaking squirrel. You enjoy a big strong guy who can make a great dinner and help you whip up that dish to pass on your way to the family barbecue. You’re looking for a good life partner and Kronk is the perfect choice. Just don’t ask him to mix the drinks.
You might have some dating issues on the horizon if not already. I guess he would make a good 12 year old crush but from an adult stand point? NO. Be honest with yourself, he doesn’t want to grow up. You clearly are interested in man-children who want to pal around in the woods with their bros and play video games or go larping in animal suits. You probably think Judd Apatow movies are about your life. You are ok with leggings as pants worn by any gender, clearly.
You go for the musician, artist type. Your favorite actor is probably Jason Segel. You enjoy gangly adorkable guys who are super into their craft but also super into you and your pets. You believe in love at first my dog literally set us up on a date. And you are ok when your significant other writes a song about how your old school friend is evil. Although how you did not realize this on your own is baffling.
Guy from Paperman
This guy is Joseph Gordon Levitt in 500 Days of Summer, Jim Halpert, and Roger all rolled into one goofy package. He’s adorkable. He does everything to reconnect with the cute girl he fell for at the train. He’s the American ideal. You probably saw this short film before “Wreck-It Ralph” which means you haven’t given up hope on Disney films after “Princess and the Frog.” You probably grew up during the Disney Renaissance and still remember what Disney magic is like. This short film made you realize that magic wasn’t gone. Can we be friends?
Genie from Aladdin
You enjoy blue people and 90s comedians so you probably also have a crush on Megamind. You enjoy puns and celebrity impersonations. You think it is perfectly acceptable to wear Hawaiian shirts even when not on vacation or on the set of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. You like your men to be able to provide you with every wish and flight of fancy you have as long as they love you for you and not because of a magic spell.
You like beautiful people darn it and you don’t care if they’re racist or played by Mel Gibson. You don’t care if your boyfriends and potential love interests have any original thoughts. You are perfectly okay that they are a product of a controlling colonizing government who speak in buzzwords and phrases. You don’t care if they want to shoot every animal that walks if it looks unfamiliar to them. You probably thought Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad was a jolly good time. The horror.
You don’t like messing around and you want to get down to business to defeat the huns. You enjoy when guys take things like training their army seriously. So you like guys who work hard. You also probably enjoy singing show tunes as if you suddenly had the voice of Donny Osmond. Your favorite Shakespeare play is Twelfth Night.